USA Archive

  • 518/12/2013

    We Wish You A Turtles Christmas -1994 / Director: Larry Osborne

    Gotta getta gift/Gotta getta gift/For Splinter! If hell exists, there’s a bonus circle along with the original twelve eternal torments  Dante wrote of full of things like this. All those…

  • 015/10/2013

    Technically A Twilight Eclipse (2010) Review, But More About The Whole Twisted Series

    To start this review, adapted from the books by Stephanie Meyer, I have to first get more serious than usual. There’s a giant white elephant in the room that has…

  • 014/10/2013

    Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III – 1990 /Director: Jeff Burr

    Yeah, militant lumberjacks – I see ‘em all the time. Revisiting this, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III isn’t that bad. It’s alright. The problem is that it’s a second sequel…

  • 008/10/2013

    Basket Case 3 – 1992 / Director: Frank Henenlotter

    Oh Cedric, I see you’ve brought your lettuce! The original Basket Case (1982) was a great film but not necessarily because of its premise of a man (Kevin Van Hentenryck)…

  • 004/09/2013

    W Is For… Wax, Or The Discovery Of Television Among The Bees – 1991 / Director: David Blair

    I would like to apologise first for covering a film that does not have a conventional release. The film, from the director himself, is available to see on an official…

  • 003/09/2013

    V Is For… Vixen! – 1969 / Director: Russ Meyer

    I know it’s strange, but your body really turns me on! Vixen! proves that, even if it wasn’t made by cult filmmaker Russ Meyer, you can find the least expecting…

  • 422/08/2013

    N Is For… Night of the Living Dead – 1968 / Director: George A. Romero

    They’re coming to get you, Barbara, there’s one of them now! The political subtext of Night of the Living Dead has been established by professional publications already as well as…

  • 021/08/2013

    M Is For… Meshes Of The Afternoon – 1943 / Director: Maya Deren

    During her travel in the monochrome filmed locations, the protagonist of this short length feature (played by director Maya Deren) falls asleep in an armchair and is thrown into a…

  • 019/08/2013

    K Is For… Killer of Sheep – 1979 / Director: Charles Burnett

    Man, I ain’t poor. Look, I give away things to the Salvation Army; you can’t give away nothin’ to Salvation Army if you poor. I mean, we may not have…

  • 016/08/2013

    J Is For… Johnny Guitar – 1954 / Director: Nicholas Ray

    I intend to be buried here – in the 20th century! A Fifties film from the Hollywood studios was needed for this season. It could have been a Forties film,…

  • 112/08/2013

    F Is For… Flaming Creatures – 1963 / Director: Jack Smith

    Do they make a lipstick that doesn’t come off when you suck cock? It’s kind of amazing how much bare, naked, male penis I’ve seen in films when I think…

  • 009/08/2013

    E is for…. Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure (1929)

    Discouraged and disheartened, Eveready decides to blow the whole thing Since the dawn of time, mankind has thought about sex continually. It if was designed, according to some orthodox beliefs,…

  • 030/05/2013

    Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance – 2012 / Directors: Neveldine/Taylor

    He’s scraping at the door. Scraping at the door! Now much older in films like this, Nicolas Cage is no longer the youthful poster boy who was eccentric and yet…

  • 029/05/2013

    The Wicker Man – 2006 / Director: Neil LaBute

    Is this hers? How’d it get burned? How’d it get burned? HOW’D IT GET BURNED, HOW’D IT GET BURNED? It was inevitable this was going to be covered on this…

  • 127/05/2013

    Wild at Heart – 1990 / Director: David Lynch

    Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom? Wild At Heart is a flawed film. A good…

  • 129/04/2013

    The Man with the Iron Fists , Or: Effectively How I’ve Giving Up On Manufactured Cult Films – 2012 / Director: RZA

    I have to cut out a lot of rambling tangents from my reviews, but here the tangents are the centre of this piece as the disappointment of The Man With…

  • 024/04/2013

    Empire Of The Ants – 1977 / Director: Bert I. Gordon

    The full title for this film is actually H.G. Wells’ Empire Of The Ants, and it’s based off one of his short stories.  Now, by “based” what I actually mean…

  • 025/03/2013

    Street Fighter – 1994 / Director: Steven E. de Souza

    For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday. Why Street Fighter for me is one of…

  • 020/03/2013

    Out For Justice – 1991 / Director: John Flynn

    Yo, fucknuts! Despite my waning views on Steven Seagal, I have written a few reviews of his movies online. I was, a year ago, under the belief that I would…

  • 007/03/2013

    Mortal Kombat – 1995 / Director: Paul WS Anderson

    Finish him! When the New Line logo appears from the black screen, a man is heard screaming “MORTAL KOMBAT” at the top of his lungs and mid-nineties techno music kicks…

  • 028/10/2012

    Blood Feast – 1963/ Director: Herschell Gordon Lewis

    “Have you ever had… an Egyptian Feast?” For better or for worse, genre cinema in the West owes a lot to Blood Feast. Trying to find something to put people…

  • 031/05/2012

    Big Bad Mama – 1974 / Director: Steve Carver

    Big Bad Mama opens, funny enough, with a wedding. Or at least, the start of one. We’re told the place (Paradise, Texas, 1932) and shown Wilma McClatchie (Angie Dickinson) and…