FESTIVE Archive

  • Santa With Muscles – 1996 / Director: John Murlowski

    Holy shit! I’ve seen some dire rubbish in my time, but this takes the biscuit. I know you’re supposed to give Christmas films a bit of slack, but this is…

  • National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – 1989 / Director: Jeremiah S. Chechik

    There really isn’t anything new to be said about this complete and utter Christmas classic. Unapologetically, I’m still obliged to chuck it into the VTSS archives of festive film because…

  • We Wish You A Turtles Christmas -1994 / Director: Larry Osborne

    Gotta getta gift/Gotta getta gift/For Splinter! If hell exists, there’s a bonus circle along with the original twelve eternal torments  Dante wrote of full of things like this. All those…

  • The Polar Express – 2004 / Director: Robert Zemeckis

    Ok, let me see if I’ve got this right. On the eve of Christmas, a cynical, dead eyed kid comes to the conclusion that his mum and dad do not…

  •  Just under an hour of John Denver looking as though he’s wishing he got into that plane 19 years earlier. I’m a fan of Denver‘s music, but this combination of...

    John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together – 1979 / Director: Tony Charmoli

     Just under an hour of John Denver looking as though he’s wishing he got into that plane 19 years earlier. I’m a fan of Denver‘s music, but this combination of…

  • Wild at Heart – 1990 / Director: David Lynch

    Did I ever tell ya that this here jacket represents a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom? Wild At Heart is a flawed film. A good…

  • McCabe & Mrs Miller – 1971 / Director: Robert Altman

    Around about this time each year, I find myself drawn back to Robert Altman‘s peculiar take on the Western, McCabe & Mrs Miller. It’s become something of a tradition, one…

  • Bad Santa – 2003 / Director: Terry Zwigoff

    Santa fucking someone in the ass… Bad Santa is the film for those who adopt a deeply cynical pose around Christmas, but deep down actually love it. Zwigoff lays on…

  • Silent Night, Deadly Night – 1984 / Director: Charles E. Sellier Jr

    Christmas just isn’t Christmas without annual screenings of festive slasher films, and what better way to kick off some yuletide spirit then with a viewing of Christmas cult classic Silent…

  • Planes, Trains and Automobiles – 1987 / Director: John Hughes

    Ok, so not strictly speaking a Christmas movie, but close enough in the Yuletide calendar – particularly for an American audience, to make it into the festive programme, John Hughes‘…

  • Santa Claus Conquers the Martians – 1964 / Director: Nicholas Webster

    A confession: I love bad films. Really love them. Robot Monster, Plan 9 From Outer Space, Zoltan-Hound of Dracula, Disco Godfather? Watched them. Loved them. As a reader of this…

  • A Smoky Mountain Christmas – 1986 / Director: Henry Winkler

     I’m just zippin’ on down the road apiece, movin’ right along! Here’s a film that has ‘classic’ written all over it: directed by the Fonz and starring Dolly Parton, Lee Majors,…

  • Elves – 1989 / Director: Jeffrey Mandel

    I had a bad day at work, Santa got killed… What’s that you say? two foot high Nazi Rapist Elves? In an occult, incestuous melodrama? Well Merry Christmas to you…

  • The Muppet Christmas Carol – 1992 / Director: Brian Henson

    Dis is our island in de sun   I’m a bit shocked by this. I saw The Muppet Christmas Carol at the cinema with my younger brother. I reckoned that…

  • Christmas Evil – 1980 / Director: Lewis Jackson

    But if you’re bad, then your name goes in the Bad Boys and Girls Book, and then I’ll bring you something… horrible. At Christmas, a young Harry enjoys the best…

  • Santa’s Slay – 2005 / Director: David Steiman

    Christmas can sure scare the Dickens out of people What would happen if Father Christmas was more Old Nick than Saint Nick? Apparently, he’d ride a sleigh pulled by an…

  • The Nightmare Before Christmas – 1993 / Director: Henry Selick

    Kidnap the Sandy Claws/ tie him in a bag / throw him in the ocean then / see if he is sad. If you strip away all the merchandise, the…

  • Sing Mit Heino – 1977 / Director: Otto Meyer

    Around about the same time the GDR built a giant wall through the middle of Berlin and bricked out the spectres of post war/ post fascist Germany, a strange infectious…

  • Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 – 1987 / Director: Lee Harry

    I love Silent Night, Deadly Night. It is an annual fixture of my Christmas holidays, usually double billed with Bob Clark‘s fantastic Black Christmas. One thing that has eluded me…

  • Die Hard – 1988 / Director: John McTiernan

    For most working adults, the office party is a staple in the festive social calendar. Generally speaking, it’s a let down – the exchange of feigned pleasantries with co-colleagues, drunken…

  • Gremlins – 1984 / Director: Joe Dante

    Joe Dante‘s (semi) child friendly variation on the Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde story is a festive masterpiece that oozes wit, charm, viscera and the balls to do something different…

  • Santa Claus the Movie – 1985 / Director: Jeannot Szwarc

    Along with Disney’s 101 Dalmations, Santa Claus the Movie is one of my earliest big screen movie viewing memories. In the years that have since passed, I’ve grown a beard,…

  • Home Alone – 1990 / Director: Chris Columbus

    Fans of the latent childhood trauma unearthed in Tom Holland‘s Childs Play, will probably enjoy the tenuous, though entertaining, subtext at play in Chris Columbus‘, John Hughes produced, Home Alone  – a…